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Dolce Vita Part 2
Dolce Vita
Part 1
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Tye said that, "FlyNDance. Hmm... She would
either have long hair or is a desperado because when
girls dance, only two parts fly - their hair and skirt.
As such, if she doesn't have long hair, it means her
skirt flies when she dances. Haha! This has a certain
sexual hint in it..."
"Huh? How do you know I have long hair?"
Bingo! Heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she
is not a Desperado! Yes!
"Not only that. I also know you seldom wear skirts..."
I increased the stakes. If I am correct this time, let there be
peace on earth forever.
"Erm... I guess you are right... But how did you know?"
Haha... I am good.
"Just a wild guess."
"Ok. Hey Slorr... Tell you what. I am tired. Are you coming
online tomorrow morning?"
"Yeah. Why?"
Please. Please... Please say that you are coming online too. If
not, I m going to kill myself for letting you go tonight.
"I’ll see you tomorrow online at 10 a.m. then. Good
night."
"Erm... It should be 10 a.m. today as it is past midnight.
Ok. Good night.”
I blurted out the last sentence. I went offline. Suddenly, I was
impressed by my performance just now. But is the season of spring
really arriving for me? I certainly wish so.
(Read Related : Cheesy
Love Quotes)
"Hello Slorr, what a coincidence."
"Yeah. I am not late."
"Yeah. What a coincidence."
Girls are weird. I thought we already had an arrangement. Why
do I have to pretend that there’s no arrangement. They must
have watched too many movies and prefer to think that guys they
met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can
happen to them in their love life.
"Slorr, are you talking nonsense?"
"Nonsense? Ok, let me tell you what nonsense is. Nonsense
is when you spot a guy with broad shoulders, dark complexion with
a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter running along
the beach in the summer. Then he will call out loud the name of
a girl and run towards her. He will then carry her and spin three
rounds anticlockwise."
"Slorr, are you crazy?"
"I’m crazy? Ok. Let's change a location then. A guy
with long hair with the looks of an artist stands by a sketching
stand and a few pieces of drawings in the mountains. There will
be birds stopping over at his side to admire his work. He will
be drawing a girl who is posing for him and she will most probably
be naked."
"Slorr, but these scenarios are all very romantic."
"Romantic? Hello Miss, romance only survives in novels and
movies. In the real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken
glasses or the girl may be too heavy for him causing him to tear
his arm muscles. The birds may also just clear their waste on
top of the guy in the mountains or he might get a thrashing from
the girl because he comments on the excess fats around her waist
and hips."
"Slorr, do you hate romance?"
"I hate romance? Nope, I am just using my knowledge of statistics
to get a deduction that guys must be Tall to be romantic and not
Handsome! Some love novels even portray the male lead as normal
looking, but no one dares to challenge the height of a male lead!
I object because I am not tall."
"Slorr, your objection is overruled..."
I must have nothing better to do as I continued talking this nonsense
to her until noon.
(Read Related : Super
Sad True Love Story)
"Slorr, are you hungry?"
"Yeah. Are you?"
"Yes. I guess it’s time for lunch Slorr."
"Then do you think we should..."
"Slorr, I just asked for fun. I don’t intend
to have lunch with you."
"Ok good. I am not a romantic. Neither are you."
I had lunch with Tye. We talked about the conversation with FlyNDance
this morning.
"You moron! You told her you are not a romantic. Are you
crazy? You are a disgrace to all men. How can you make such a
big mistake? I... I..."
Tye grabbed a chicken wing with a pair of chopsticks and I saw
his hands trembled along with the wing.
"There are three 'Don'ts' when wooing a girl. One, don't
forget to be romantic. Two, don't be too honest. Three, don't
be too stingy with the sugar in our speech. Noticed Number One,
stupid?”
"What rubbish is that? In Chinese we say that 'Nan Ren Bu
Huai, Nu Ren Bu Ai' (Direct translation: Unless he is a bad guy,
girls won’t love him), I thought you should know this..."
"I know about that, but it has been a controversial topic
over centuries. Women aren't really that cheap, so why would they
only fall for 'bad guys' like me?"
"That's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic! Those 'nice
guys' are usually... Dumb dumbs... Hence, she would rather choose
a romantic 'bad guy' than any of those dumb dumbs... In Maths
we call this 2C1, understand? Dumb dumb...”
Oh, Tye is referring to Maths!! Now, I understand! No wonder I
have always been left on the shelf.
"In other words, girls wouldn't mind if you are not tall
or handsome. They can bear with your inconsiderate acts. They
can also forget your stupidity but they can never forgive you
if you are not romantic."
"Come on, this is exaggerating."
"Hey, most women have a 'knot' for romance, just like most
men have a 'knot' for virginity. To women, they just can't understand
how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men. Similarly,
men can't understand how important romance is to women."
"This is bullshit! How come I've never heard of that?"
"The key word is 'knot'. If you can untie it, fine…
However, how many of us have actually succeeded in doing that.
There is practically none."
"Ok, fine. Now I've done it... What should I do to remedy
the situation?"
"Face it. You are already hopeless. I promise you I'll have
a drink with you when it’s over..."
"You Son Of A Bitch!"
Dolce
Vita Part 1
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