Men vs Women
NICKNAMES
• If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for
lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate
and Sarah.
• If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they
will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,
Godzilla, Sh*t-Head and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
• When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will
each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them
will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want
change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
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MONEY
• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn't need but it's on sale
BATHROOMS
• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush
and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap,
and a towel from the departmental store.
• The average number of items in the typical
woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to
identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new argument.
CATS
• Women love cats.
• Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
• A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until
he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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MARRIAGE
• A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water
the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read
a book, and get the post.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her
children. She knows about dentist appointments and
romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears
and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
• Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same
thing.
• What a woman says: Come on...This place is
a mess. You and I need to clean up. Your trousers
are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we
don't do the laundry now.
• What a man hears: COME ON ... blah, blah,
blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE
FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah,
blah, NOW
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