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Yukiko Part 9

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Dear Clement,

Before I begin, I would like to apologise for not telling you everything about myself. If there is one person I wouldn't want to see crying in this world, it would have been you.

I wrote this letter on the night when we parted and promised not to look back. Actually I broke the promise; I did look back because I feared that I may not have the chance to see you again in this lifetime. I know you are putting on a brave front because you have to be there to console me when I cry.

The reason why I had to go back to Japan is because I am suffering from a rare form of blood cancer that may claim my life very soon if it is not treated. My parents want me back for a major operation. If this operation were to fail, I would disappear from the surface of this world. Hence, they want to face the operation together with me. The operation is also the same reason why I asked you if you would come to visit me.

The success rate of this operation is only 30% and anything can happen. Hence, I want to tell you that I appreciate your company, your advices and everything you did or said. Every night, I would be giggling to myself after we chatted online and I asked myself if I am falling in love with you. I guess I did although you have never expressed your feelings to me. Perhaps my love is one-sided but there is nothing wrong in liking you.

I remembered you telling me that you would rather wait for the special one just like I would too. When I was cuddling in your arms, I knew that you are the one. I was hoping that the cab driver would drive slower during our last meeting because I may not get the chance to cuddle in your arms again. You may have found a new girlfriend by then while I might already be in heaven watching over you.

My operation is scheduled on the 24th of May and I will call you a week before to ask you to fulfil your promise to visit me in Japan. When you see me in Japan, you would have known the truth about my sickness and hopefully, we can meet each other for at least one last time. But then again, if you receive this letter through mail sent by my guardian, it means that I am already gone. I would have already left all the suffering behind in this world. Please do not despair as I will always be around you, shielding you like how you tried to protect me from the rain in vain. You mentioned that you are not romantic, but to me, you are the best a guy could be.

I am feeling a little tired as I write this letter but I am determined to finish what I had to say. If there is one thing final question I want you to ask me, it would be you asking me whether if I like good-looking guys. No, I don't like them because I like guys like You - unique and extraordinary, just like Rosemary in the movie we watched together. This distinctive character can only be found in you and I want you to keep it this way for I like the way you are, not the way you look.

I love you very much Clement,
Yukiko

Tears that I have been fighting to keep away broke through my resistance and started rolling down my cheeks as I saw the date today - 27th May. I was rooted to the ground totally defeated and lying at the mercy of my ill-fated destiny. I clutched my head tightly as I experienced a sinking feeling. Why Didn't I Leave Singapore for Japan Earlier? I should have ignored my examinations to be with her in her final days. I should not have delayed the trip. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I blamed myself for the tears I owed her and for the lack of courage to express my feelings. She was waiting for me to pop the question! And I never did! I should have bloody listened to Jerry. At the very least, I could let her know How Much she meant to me and how much I loved her.

I knew something is happening to me.
I was crying.

As expected, my results were good. I didn't speak much since that day because I was hurt, disappointed and full of regrets. I sat at the bus stop where I first saw her and the scene seemed to replay itself in my mind. I recalled that she still owe me a movie treat - although this is now impossible and thinking about it made me sink deeper into depression.

Clutching tightly onto the heart origami that she made, I waited for the bus and soon, it arrived. I took it and realized that it was the same bus driver again.
'Eh boy, why is your girlfriend not with you?'
I smiled at him and pointed to my heart.
'Nope! She is with me all the time.'

Yukiko Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9