Things Girls Wish
Dear Darling Boyfriend,
There are some things I'd like to know. Things like
the fact you think that I'm way cuter than Jessica
Alba or that my eyes are more sparkling than the Pacific
Ocean can be expressed on a regular basis. Daily even.
However there are some things I would rather you keep
to yourself*, namely:
Which of my girlfriends you think is cute.
I adore my girls and think their awesomeness is beyond words.
However there's a difference between me thinking they're gorgeous,
and you thinking they're gorgeous. Please keep up the charade
that you're totally oblivious to the extent of my friend's attractiveness.
(Read Related : Why
Girls Like Guys)
Anything related to bodily functions.
Remember the last in depth conversation we had about
that gross infection I got from my last pedicure?
You don't? That's because I chose not to share those
things with you. Whenever possible, please refrain
from describing things such as what exactly came out
when you last went to the toilet, or what your last
bout of flatulence smelled like. We have to keep that
air of mystery going, right?
Who picked out my last birthday present.
I know deep down that the idea to get me the 'heart
tag bracelet' from the Tiffany & Co ''Return to
Tiffany'' collection was as likely to be your idea
as me being genuinely interested in our last conversation
about my car's engine - but I know you tried. I don't
need to know how that present actually ended up in
my jewelry box, only that you love me enough to do
What you've told your friends.
No matter how vehemently boys deny they gossip, the
truth is you guys are probably worse than us. So I've
accepted the fact that your friends are probably privy
to the details of our hook ups. However, to prevent
me from dying of embarrassment the next time I see
your mates, please be considerate enough not to mention
what you've told them. I just couldn't look Mick and
Davo in the eye otherwise.
Your ex-girlfriend anything
There's a little game I like to play in my head that revolves
around the fact that no other girl existed in your life before
me. No one. So with regards to the fact your ex is now a Nobel
Prize winner and a Harvard graduate who looks like Gisele on a
good day; Yeah, I don't really need to know.
(Read Related : Dating
Tips for Men)
Having got all these out in the open, I'm confident
we can only anticipate smooth sailing and relationship
bliss the likes of which can only be seen in Hugh
Grant movies in future. Perhaps you should cut this
out and keep it somewhere easily visible?
*There's a difference between 'keeping something
to yourself' and 'lying'. The difference being, that
lying will earn you banishment to Boyfriend Siberia
the likes of which you've never seen.
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