I lay there beside the body of Fiona for a while, crying to myself. I read her story. Her letter went like this:
You are probably the last person I will talk to before I die as I’ve decided to kill myself since life meant nothing anymore. I’m very sorry for breaking my promise. There’s a lot that happened to me that you don’t know about. I didn’t want to ruin your perfect life with Ann. Ever since that day at the park 5 years ago, my life had turned into a living hell. As you told me that you wanted to leave me, I was in so much pain. There were no words to explain the way I was feeling. It was torment. Every breath I took hurt because I knew you would never be mine. Happiness left my life and I isolated myself from everyone else. I was in a deep depression. I had no one to talk to and no one to share my feelings with.
(Read Related : Depression Quotes)
So that was how I lived the past 5 years - without a heart. I had only one reason to keep my heart beating: I still loved you. But it hurts too much. I can’t do it any longer... There wasn’t one day that I lived without sadness. I would seriously give anything and everything to feel loved like I did 6 years ago, even if it is just for a day. I would give anything in the world to be the Ann in your life. I would lay in my bed every night crying to myself. I would often fantasize about what our future together could have been - how happy we should have been. Nothing killed me more than seeing you with Ann. But if you think that you belong with her, then promise me you won’t let anyone hurt you. When you walked away that day, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do but all I wanted was to set your heart free. When you left that day, you took my heart with you and a huge part of me died. There’s so much pain in my chest, blacking out like a heart attack. Life is hard; death is easier.
I’ve always wondered what afterlife would be like. I guess I can find out soon. I hope you live a long and happy life before joining me. I guess I’ve finally learned to forgive you for what you did and I learned to live with the fact that you didn’t choose me. I don’t blame you for anything. If you’re wondering why I kept everything that was inside that silver box, I can tell you. I kept it all because everytime I see it, everytime I read your letters, I feel a little bit happier. I kept it because it was the only part of you that was still mine. It was the only thing I had left of you. It reminded me that true love does exist in this world. David, I just want to let you know that I don’t mind dying here and right now. I’ve lived life to the best of my ability. I have none but one regret: letting you go... So I had to pretend that I wasn’t going to miss you; and had to pretend that this was what I wanted to do. Haha, the funny thing is if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have this happy ending... Oh well... I just have to accept what life had in store for me.
David, I'm so sorry for making you read this... You shouldn’t have to suffer with me. I was so scared that I’d die alone... With no one to share this with... David, thank you for showing me what true love means. And as long as you’re happy, I’ll be okay. Can you please take this silver box with you, treasure it for me and finish up my story. Thank you! My time is almost up so I might as well finish this letter. As for my will, I would like to have my heart separated from the rest of my body and cremated separately. I would like the ashes of my heart to go to you and the rest disposed of nicely. That way you’ll know that my broken, fragile heart never stopped loving you in the past and will never stop loving you in the future. Take care of my heart David... I wish you and Ann a happy tear-free life from the bottom of my heart! Remember to keep on smiling!
P.S. I love you David. I always have and I always will.
(Read Related : The Love Letter)
It killed me to see how much pain I had brought her yet I had never realized it. What an idiot, I thought to myself. How could I have left her like that? I cried and wished that we hadn’t left. I wish that I didn’t leave her. She never broke her promise. She never stopped loving me. But what have I done? I broke her heart. I smashed her whole world into a billion pieces.
Then I saw her silver box. It touched me so much to see how she never gave up loving me. I wish I had done the same for her too. I knew she was still there. I could still sense her presence. I knew that no matter where she was physically, she will always live forever in my heart - where she belongs. I knew that as long as I live, there would NOT be a day where I don’t regret leaving her. I’ve made a decision to leave Ann. Fiona never stopped loving me and I won’t stop loving her. I love her more than anything in this world. People say you only fall in love, really in love, once in a lifetime. So once you’ve found true love, NEVER let go.
P.S. There is no ending to this story. Fairytales are wrong when they say “And they lived happily ever after". True love never has an ending...
By Faith Cheung
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