English Hot Stories
Students English
These are taken from actual high school essays
and collected by English teachers across the country
for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have
bright futures writing jokes for others. What do you
think?
1. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought
he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing
up.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with
a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking
at high schools about the dangers of looking at a
solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole
in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli,
and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity
came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond
exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement
like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re
on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on
at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30 p.m.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair
after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just
like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
lovers raced across the grassy field towards each
other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland
at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from
Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood
with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s
teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant,
and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like
a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long
it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are won’t to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind
you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical
lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually
lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing
kids around with power tools.
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