Good Story
To the Nice Guys

“What do women want? To be treated like a queen; but by a king, not a pawn.”

This is for that time she left forty urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. Even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it.

This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you had ever orchestrated in Halo 2 to rant about a rumour that linked her romantically with the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. Even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumour to spread around the floor.

This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody. The beer was awful and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone, “Oh, but we are just friends!” Even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyway. This is because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative b**ches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as, “Oh, he’s too nice to date.” or “He would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me.” or “He already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of them all “No, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete a** now!). But one thing I can do is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your ability to hold the doors open, your party escorting services and your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate and for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society and your well deserved vindication is coming.