Chinese Love Story
The Fear of Love Part 1

The Fear of Love Part 1 | 2

During my freshman year in high school, I met a young man by the name of Chang Yang. I didn't get to know him from school. I met him at a friend's birthday party. He was sixteen years old and I was fourteen years old. We were young and immature.

I saw him as he was walking through the front door with his friends to the party. They were nice looking and it seemed fun to know them. I spotted him as he had a great smile on his face and was attractive. Initially, I was reluctant to approach him but I summoned my courage and asked him for his name. We got to know each other and hung out together throughout the birthday party.

Through our conversations, I found out that we had a lot in common and we also shared the same interests. At the end of the party, we exchanged phone numbers. The following day, he called me and we talked for hours. I fell in love with his sweet and beautiful voice instantly. We continued conversing over the phone for about four months before deciding to meet up for a date. We arranged to meet at the park near the river.

After meeting up, we talked endlessly for what seemed like hours until we had nothing more to say. We sat in silence and stared at the water. I still remember the scenario as if it was yesterday as he took my hand and looked me in the eyes and asked me if I would be willing to give my heart to him. I was completely stunned at the question. I knew I love him and wanted to be with him but I was too young to understand love and I felt that I'm not ready for love yet.
Hence, I said honestly, "I'm not ready."
His face of happiness turned to sadness and he stopped talking. He dropped my hand from his and walked away from me. I didn't know what to do so I followed him and joked about us.
I told him, "There’s nothing to lose if you don't receive love back from the one person you love.”
Gosh! I was so stupid. He never called me back and neither did I. I felt that I did nothing wrong because I told him what I thought and felt.

Days passed. The days turned into weeks and the weeks into months. It was a year later when I next saw him again at the Hmong New Year in Fresno. I was a sophomore that year. I went up to him and greeted him. He said hi and smiled back. I didn't know if he forgave me for what happened a year ago but he asked me to take a walk with him. As we walked, we started chatting about the past. He talked about his senior year in high school and I talked about mine. The day went by quickly even though it seemed like I only spent a couple of hours with him. I couldn't believe how fast the time passed and that he's finally talking to me again. At the end of it, we hugged and bade each other goodbye. He told me that he will be leaving Fresno for San Jose the following day as he had moved to San Jose in the past year. I was disappointed and sad that I won't be able to see him. He promised to call me and we communicated mainly through phone calls.

We took turns to call each other and my feelings for him grew. Deep within my heart, I knew that he loves me and I love him. We weren't dating but we were best friends. He'll say something to make me laugh whenever I was stressed or troubled because he knew that laughing always made me forget about my problems. We continued talking over the phone for three more years.

Soon, I was in the first year of college and he was in his third year. Throughout the years, we talked over the phone very often but we hadn't seen each other since that last day of Hmong New Year. My feelings for him became very strong and I love him so much that the thought of losing him kills me inside.

The Fear of Love Part 1 | 2